Criticism doesn’t develop anyone – but feedback might. Criticising normally implies blame or finding fault, except when the term refers to the analysis or evaluation of reviewers in certain fields.
Unlike ”criticism”, the word ”feedback” is neutral, i.e. it can be both positive and negative. Feedback aims at helping, supporting or correcting and is therefore beneficial for the receiver.
Some advice for a feedback session
Begin by being positive. In doing so, you set the tone for the session and show that you wish the receiver well from the start. The receiver should preferably look upon you as friendly person who is worth listening to. If you start with negative feedback, the receiver might regard you as unfriendly and might therefore stop listening. It is possible to formulate most things as positive advice while still being straightforward.
Use so-called ”I-messages”. Never begin with: ”You are …”, which could be perceived as you ascribing universal truth to your opinions – and this can be debated. Others may have quite different opinions concerning the receiver. The receiver’s mother, for one, may well have a totally opposite opinion. Let what you say emanate from yourself. This can not be questioned and if you happen to be the receiver’s boss, your opinion will be regarded as important, even if the receiver happens to disagree. Here are some suggestions for ”I-messages”:
– My opinion is that you could improve …
– I wish that you …
– I’d like you to …
– I understand that you …
– As I see it, you are …
– I would suggest that you …
– If you wish to become a … I would recommend …
Explain what you are satisfied with and what, in your opinion, could be developed. Give your personal opinion. Bring up difficult things towards the end and conclude with a summary.
Feedback is a life-long learning process
Feedback is not always outspoken or even explicit. All information gained from the surroundings is feedback because the results of someone’s behaviour is being fed back into the mental system from where the behaviour originated. Continuous feedback is therefore a process. This holds true in skidpan driving, in sports, in close relationships as well as in professional life. Feedback is a loop of information back into the system with potential to support some types of behaviour and correct others. In other words, it is especially valuable to receive verbalised, clear and friendly feedback from someone you hold in high regard.
